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The cry of the introvert

June 11, 2013

On the surface gentle, quiet, acquiescent and genuinely loving – but underneath the turmoil is great, and our love comes at a a cost many couldn’t guess. Spare a thought for your tender introverted friends…

The cry of the introvert

If only I were not so internally and eternally  tentative,

if only I were not so destructively self-doubting,

if only I could just keep together a little courage for friendship –

how different then –

possibly even enjoyable this might be.

Instead, every conversation leaves me tormented

with frustration at who I am.

Each exchange leaves me desperate to dig the deepest hole

Bury myself in it where I will slip easily from your memory

Decay and be of no bother to you again.

I compose 7 or 8 exit speeches

a eulogy or two

none of them are delivered

I can’t even say ‘I’m out’ with any conviction

I try to sail across a ‘normal’ pleasant conversation,

but the deep roars up

a Tsunami within me

and cracks the surface

dousing you with salty thoughts

and capsizing me with foamy feelings.

And there around the debris lies strewn,

all my secret treasures washed up on the shore

but yet abandonned

they appear bereft as drift wood

a messy beach

a silent shore

the only trace of you is your retreating footprints

which my backwash erases in the very next moment.

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